Tips to Reframe Failure
Failure can be uncomfortable to talk about—but it’s something everyone experiences. Whether it’s a personal setback or a professional challenge, how we respond to failure often shapes the path ahead more than the failure itself.
In my work as an obesity medicine physician, I see this all the time. Patients come in feeling discouraged because a previous attempt to improve their health didn’t go as planned. Maybe a diet didn’t work, a medication didn’t help, or they lost motivation along the way. But here’s what I’ve learned: failure isn’t the end of the story—it’s just part of the process. And when we learn to reframe it, it becomes a stepping stone instead of a roadblock.
Recently, I was honored to be named Clinician of the Year by the Obesity Medicine Association. It was a moment of deep gratitude, especially after also hitting a big milestone—100,000 downloads of this podcast. But even in that week of success, there were personal moments that didn’t go as smoothly. Life has a way of mixing the good with the hard. That’s why it’s so important to develop resilience—not by ignoring failure, but by learning how to see it differently.
In this episode, we’ll talk about practical ways to reframe failure so it stops feeling like a dead end and starts becoming a learning opportunity. Whether you're facing challenges in your health, career, or personal life, these tips can help you move forward with clarity and confidence.
How Arnold Schwarzenegger’s Failures Led to His Greatest Wins
I recently listened to Be Useful by Arnold Schwarzenegger, and now I’m excited to share what I’ve learned from his incredible journey. It’s easy to look at someone like Schwarzenegger and assume they’ve always had it all figured out. But what struck me most while listening to his story was how he responded to failure.
Schwarzenegger didn’t just brush off setbacks; he used them as opportunities for growth. One example that stood out was when he lost a bodybuilding competition early in his career. At first, he felt frustrated, believing he was stronger than the winner. But instead of giving up, he asked himself a key question: Why did the other guy win? He realized the winner had better definition in areas Arnold had overlooked—especially smaller muscle groups. Rather than blaming the judges or the outcome, he trained with the competitor who beat him, learned new techniques, and came back stronger. The following year, he won.
This mindset of reflection, learning, and persistence is essential for success. It’s easy to quit when things don’t go as planned, but true success rarely comes without resistance. If we give up too soon, we may miss the chance to turn things around.
This lesson ties into the idea of growth—whether through reflection or simply staying open to learning. Failure is inevitable, but how we handle it shapes our resilience and our ability to keep going. Shifting our perspective through practices like gratitude—acknowledging what’s going well, even when things aren’t perfect—helps keep us grounded as we work toward our goals.
At the end of the day, people like Arnold Schwarzenegger didn’t succeed because they never failed. They succeeded because they embraced failure, learned from it, and kept moving forward.
The Road to Success Isn’t Smooth—And That’s Okay
Success is often defined by the wins, but it’s the failures—the ones where someone officially says, “You didn’t make it”—that really shape us. I know that firsthand from my first test in medical school. I failed—not just barely, but outright. As someone who was later named Clinician of the Year, admitting that still stings, but it was a turning point that changed everything for me.
At the time, I was really sick. I had spent the whole weekend studying, thinking it was just stress. But when the exam came, I realized it wasn’t stress at all—I had strep throat. I took the test while dealing with a fever and infection, which, as you can imagine, wasn’t ideal.
But being sick wasn’t the only challenge. I quickly learned that my usual study methods weren’t going to cut it for med school’s huge workload. Everyone around me had been top students, and suddenly I was just another face in the crowd. I didn’t have a medical family to lean on for advice, and I had no idea how much extra material we needed to study beyond the lectures. So, I did what any reasonable person would do: I asked for help. I reached out to professors, upperclassmen, and other students who seemed to have it figured out. I adjusted my study methods, found new routines, and discovered what worked for me.
I also found a group of students who had failed the same test. We stuck together, supported each other, and all went on to become doctors—one even earned both an MD and a PhD.
That failure wasn’t the end of my journey; it was the start of learning how to adapt. One of my favorite Peloton instructors, Becs Gentry, says “FAIL” stands for “First Attempt In Learning,” and she’s spot on. Failure doesn’t mean you’re not cut out for it; it just means your first strategy didn’t work. Now it’s time to figure out what will.
History is full of people who failed time and time again before finding success—whether they were inventors, entrepreneurs, or anyone chasing a dream. What they all had in common was that they didn’t quit. If you’re in the middle of a failure or things just didn’t go your way, don’t worry—it’s not the end. It’s part of the process.
I’ve created a simple roadmap of six steps to help you move forward when everything seems to fall apart. But before we get into that, just remember: failure doesn’t define you—what you do next does.
1. Focus on Your Successes
When something in life isn't going well—whether it’s a relationship, your finances, or a health goal—it’s easy to let that one struggle cloud everything else. It can feel like because one area is falling apart, you are falling apart. But that’s rarely the full picture.
One of the most helpful ways to shift your mindset during these moments is to intentionally focus on your successes. If you're feeling especially down, it might take a little help from someone you trust—a friend, a family member, a coach, or a therapist—to remind you of what those are. But they’re there.
Ask yourself: What am I good at? What have I done well? Maybe you’re really strong at your job. Maybe you’re a present and loving parent. Maybe you’ve built a habit of saving consistently or have a creative outlet like baking or painting where you really shine. Even being an excellent swimmer counts—anything that reconnects you to your strengths and helps you rebuild confidence.
Sometimes it also helps to look back on moments when you surprised yourself. For example, when I was preparing to give birth without an epidural, I was told to draw on previous experiences that made me feel strong. I immediately thought of finishing some of the toughest CrossFit workouts I’d ever done. Remembering what I’d already pushed through gave me something solid to hold onto. It reminded me: I’ve done hard things before. I can do this too.
So think back. What’s something hard you’ve done—something that challenged you and proved to yourself that you're capable? Was it graduating? Climbing a mountain? Starting a business? Even something like introducing yourself to someone new when it felt scary counts.
Build that list. Keep adding to it. The more you acknowledge the things you’ve already achieved, the more you reinforce the truth that you can overcome what’s in front of you—because you’ve already done it before.
2. Lean Into What You’re Good At
The second step in turning failure into success is simple but powerful: lean into what you’re naturally good at.
Growing up, I never really felt like I had a “thing.” I wasn’t the star athlete, the top student, or the kid with standout creative skills. It wasn’t until fourth grade, when I had the chance to be the emcee for our school talent show, that something clicked. I loved being on stage, loved speaking—and for the first time, I got real feedback from people saying, “Hey, you’re really good at that.”
That small moment made a lasting impact. I leaned into it. In high school, I joined speech and debate and ended up competing at a national level. That eventually led to a college scholarship—and now, years later, I run a podcast and travel around the country giving talks on topics I care about. It all started with discovering one thing I could do well and choosing to grow in it.
Of course, that doesn’t mean you have to drop everything else you enjoy. I still love activities I’m not naturally the best at—like soccer, running, or CrossFit. But leaning into your strengths builds momentum. It boosts your confidence and helps you move forward, especially when other parts of life feel uncertain or difficult.
So yes, focus on your past successes—but also, set yourself up for new ones. Find something that lights you up, something you’re genuinely good at, and give yourself permission to go all in. That’s often where transformation begins.
3. Be Honest With Yourself
The third step in reframing failure is perhaps the hardest: be honest with yourself.
If you didn’t reach your goal—whether it’s in your career, relationships, fitness, or any other area—take a step back and ask why. Not in a self-critical way, but in a clear-eyed, honest one. What didn’t work? What did you avoid investing time or energy into? What habits or skills did you neglect to build? Sometimes success is about recognizing what others are doing differently and being willing to learn from that.
I had to do this after running the New York Marathon. The second half of the race didn’t go the way I hoped. But when I reflected, the reasons were clear: I hadn’t trained enough, I started too fast, and I didn’t have my nutrition figured out. That wasn’t bad luck—it was a lack of preparation. And acknowledging that gave me clarity.
Being honest with yourself isn’t about assigning blame. It’s about understanding the gap between where you are and where you want to be. Once you know what contributed to the outcome, you can decide how to move forward. That clarity can be the starting point for real growth.
4. Be Kind to Yourself
Once you've taken an honest look at what didn’t work, the next step is just as important: be kind to yourself. Self-reflection isn't about judgment or shame—it's about learning. If something fell short of your expectations, that doesn’t mean you failed as a person. It simply means there’s room for growth.
So when you're evaluating what needs to change, do it with compassion. Avoid the urge to beat yourself up or spiral into self-criticism. You're not weak for making mistakes—you’re human. And if kindness toward yourself feels out of reach right now, that might be a sign to seek extra support. Working with a life coach or therapist can help shift those patterns and teach you how to speak to yourself with more patience and care.
Sometimes persistent negative self-talk can be rooted in deeper struggles, like anxiety or depression. If you find that you're constantly tearing yourself down, or you just can’t access any kind of positive perspective, it may be time to talk to someone. Learning how to be kind to yourself isn’t just a feel-good suggestion—it’s a key part of building resilience and moving forward.
5. Get Help from an Expert
This step could easily be number one on the list, but sometimes it takes walking through the earlier stages—reflection, honesty, self-kindness—to fully realize when it’s time to ask for help. If something in your life isn’t working and you can’t figure out how to make it better, that’s your signal to bring in an expert.
Whether you're struggling to train for your first 5K or aiming for a marathon, working with a running coach can help you train smarter and stay injury-free. If you've been trying to lose weight and haven’t seen lasting success—despite your best efforts, diets, programs, or even support from trainers or nutritionists—it may be time to speak with a medical professional who specializes in weight and metabolic health.
Here’s the truth: your weight is not your fault. There are complex physiological and metabolic factors at play that can make sustainable weight loss extremely difficult. Diet and exercise alone only work long-term for a small percentage of people. If it hasn’t worked for you—or it worked for a while and then the weight came back—you’re not alone. That’s not failure. That’s physiology.
Getting expert support—whether that’s from a physician, nurse practitioner, dietitian, life coach, or fitness professional—can open up the tools and strategies that are right for your body and your goals. Sometimes that includes medications or surgery, and there’s nothing wrong with using every tool available to you.
If you're stuck, it doesn’t mean you're not trying hard enough. It just means you haven’t found the right strategy yet. So bring in someone whose job it is to help. Get the coach. Get the doctor. Get the expert who can guide you toward the results you're working so hard to achieve.
6. Don’t Give Up—Just Try Something Different
The final and perhaps most important step on the path to success is simple: never give up. But let’s be clear—refusing to give up isn’t the same as doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Persistence doesn't mean pushing harder at something that clearly isn’t working. It means being open to new solutions and staying flexible in how you reach your goals.
This might look like seeking support from a different expert, trying a new approach to eating, or considering tools like medication or surgery. It might mean making a complete shift in how you think about your challenges. When something isn’t working, it’s not failure—it’s just your first attempt at learning.
That’s how it works with everything. Whether it’s weight loss, mental health, or training for your first 5K, most people don’t get it exactly right the first time. And that’s okay. The goal isn’t perfection—it’s progress. The important thing is that you keep going and try something new when needed.
When working with patients, I often say: we’ll try what seems like the best option based on your goals and needs. If it doesn’t work, we adjust. We try something else. There’s no shame in that. You’re not failing—you’re learning. You’re gathering data about what works for you.
So throw out the idea of failure. Focus on forward momentum. Use every tool available, whether that’s a person, a program, a new strategy, or a different mindset. And as you go, celebrate the small wins. Acknowledge what’s working. Stay honest about what needs improvement, but don’t let that honesty turn into self-criticism.
Success often comes from having the humility to acknowledge when help is needed. Just like you’d call a plumber to fix a tub that won’t drain, reaching out to an expert for personal struggles isn’t a sign of weakness—it’s a smart move. There’s someone with the right expertise to help with exactly what you're going through. Don’t give up—seek the right support, try a new approach, and keep pushing forward.
If you found these insights helpful, be sure to listen to the full episode where we dive deeper into practical steps for reframing failure and using it to fuel your growth. Tune in to discover how to turn setbacks into comebacks.
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